This is my first time at a new school. I had to cut my hair, and that was so sucky, 'cause I had awesome LONG hair (hah). We (me and my little brother) left our old school, Brimhall, because we were bullied daily, and the education SUCKED!
First day, I look at everyone in Spanish class, and thought,
"Gosh, this school is gonna suck. I will just stay away from everyone, get sucked into the life of music. EVERYONE is a girl, Mormon, or a Mormon girl. I like her, shes never gonna like me. I'm never gonna get into the popular group. The teachers are going to hate me. Well, at least life will be like I wanted it....me...and no one else"
In my Yearbook class, I got just sorta passed over...except the person who knew what I was going through. Eventually, I find out that the "thing" is Facebook. I started an account, and I think I was just sorta added, but never talked to.
Someone asked for the homework about 5 weeks into school. I gave it to her and made a joke. She laughed. We talked. And what I thought would never happened...I sat with who I considered "the popular" people.
Me and her (the girl who brought me to the table) started hanging out more. It was almost every weekend we would hang out now. At the same time, I befriended most at our table. The person I thought I would NEVER be friends with, or never even communicate with started becoming a friend.
Me and the girl who brought me together eventually became BF/GF, and then we broke up, and got together again...and broke up.
--From that time, I have had 2 other girlfriends. One was a heroine addict, the other had short-term memory loss (yes, like in 50-first dates)--
But we still manage to be friends 'till this day. When I wasn't with anyone, I would crush like crazy, it was sorta funny; but what's even funnier is I would tell everyone! But overall, I ended up mostly crushing on the girl I mentioned in the beginning, the one I thought I would never have a chance with.
In English, Never-had-a-chance girl started talking with this guy in there. He obviously liked her, so he did what he did and tried to get her. This interfered with my feelings for her. Then he started sitting at our table. I heard stories of what "he" did at school today, how hilarious and funny he is. And it seemed like she was falling for him.
One time, we were just talking, and a comment usually directed towards me was shot at him, and he made something better out of it than what I do. At that moment, I felt like I was being replaced by someone who at the time I hated with a burning passion.
So, I had accumulated
- I liked someone who liked the guy I hated
- I was being replaced by someone I hated
- Someone I liked was falling for someone else
- And I wanted to just leave the table, the people, the school even, 'cause it was all just drama.
Never-hadda-chance got a boyfriend about a week ago...not the guy I hated, but someone who is just really an awesome guy, and I couldn't hate him for taking the person I liked so much. Tonight, I was at a dance/hangout with a whole buncha people. I saw them dancing, and I couldn't take it, I tried to get a way home, but couldn't get one. I just sat in a corner for about 5 minutes, all of the time thinking "Why? Why didn't I do anything for someone who I like soo mcuh??" Then...right then...I went out to go talk with some other people, who just basically ignored me, but I was alright with that, I ignored them, too. I saw a red car pull up, someone said "OH MY GOSH!! It's Dale!!"
Dale is one of the coolest people I know, and it's impossible to be depressed around him, for me. I run up to the car...jump on it, and he opens the door and says "Get off or diee!!" Which was just hilarious to me. I spent some time with him and the brother of the first girlfriend, completely forgetting it all.
At the end of the night, I said I would hang with Never-hadda-chance after her boyfriend left and another friend from the table. She said "Guys....I am really happy now!"...thats when I became happy for her and her boyfriend. My wanting feelings for her drained, and I can now accept that they are together, and I will probably never get to be with her, because they are great together.
---
So...what happened to the guy I hated?
He IMed me one night, complaining about moving objects and seeing circles. I hated him, so I just brushed it aside. He wouldn't stop complaining, so I yelled him out. He signed off, and from then, I vowed to make life soo much harder for him. I stopped sitting at our table because of him, hoping that people would blame him. After several days of them searching for me (I was hiding from them in lunch) I came out and started sitting with our table. I apologized to the guy who I USED to hate, and...well, I said used to hate, that's enough right there. I accepted that if me and her were meant to be together, then fate would bring us together. I found that I wasn't really being replaced by him, and it was something of my own imagination.
---
What happened to me wanting to leave the school?
I went to the top of the school. 1 staircase and 7 ladders. I wrote my name several times...and I just made my mark...I looked back at what I had done this whole year. I helped make the yearbook. I went from scary new kid to what I am now. I sit with the popular people. I made so many friends. If I left...I would be just taste testing something I, which I now understood, loved to death. This school. There is just sooo much about this school that is different from all the others. I don't know exactly what it is...but it's enough to make me not leave...I love it here...I love the people here...it's all amazing
I can proudly say...I don't have a problems anymore...questions I had are answered...feelings are satisfied and put behind me...and I can finally say that I am finally happy with life...
5 Songs to Listen to-
Creep - Radiohead
Redemption Song's - Bob Marley
Life and Death - Michael Giacchino
How It Ends - DeVotchKa
Imagine - Jack Johnson
"I found myself on the ceiling today, eating myself from the inside. I took some acceptance and I'm dancing on the floor" -Moe
I'm out,
-Moe
